Taia's Testimony

It's not everyday that I get asked about my decision to abstain from sex until marriage. Quite frankly, I haven't openly spoke about it...until now. I think that it's important for me to share, especially with you. I wish I could say that I always wanted to be sexually pure but I can't. I wish that I could tell you that growing up in church with parents who were ministers really challenged me to be abstinent but I can't. I wish I could tell you that all of my friends are virgins and they keep me strong but 99% of them are not virgins and therefore, I can't. So what has been the biggest contributor to my decision to be a virgin until marriage? My personal encounter with God.The thing that I love about God is that He works with us. He doesn't judge us nor does He expect us to be perfect overnight. At 16 years of age I decided that I wouldn't have sex until marriage. Of course, at the time I thought I would be married by 21! At this point in my life, I felt like my body was the only thing that I had complete control of. So I made up my mind...at least until I met a guy I really liked. Sitting on the couch at his apartment, my decision crossed my mind (only for a second). Here we were unsupervised and I got scared. This could THE moment and I could totally take advantage of this opportunity! In that moment, I didn't but I decided that if I had sex...I would just repent. God would forgive me anyway right? For the next two years I lived minute-by-minute; deciding daily if I could walk out this thing. A major change occurred at 19. I wanted to engage in a relationship and I wanted to have sex...really bad! So I tried to stay close to church and family in hopes that my desires would go away. That didn't exactly happen and I got really depressed and suicidal. I wanted to end my life and at this point, God intervened. I had an encounter with God right in my car. No church; Nobody laid hands; Nobody even saw it! But at that moment in my car, the worship music I had playing created an atmosphere that welcomed the Holy Spirit. I began to understand that God was bigger than me and HIs purpose had to stand. His will or no will! I also began to understand that my atmosphere was the biggest tool that I had. So I ate, slept, and breathed worship. As I stayed in God's face my spirit grew stronger and resisting the temptation to have sex became easier. The years that have followed have been just as challenging as they were when I was 16. I have days when I scream "I'M HAVING SEX TODAY!!!" It's funny but true! I also have times when I could be in a relationship but I choose not to because it's a temptation for me. Some guys have walked away once they found out while others seem to want me more. My heart has been broken, I've had to walk away, and I have to refocus time and time again. At the end of the day, I think of my husband, my children, and the people who may look at my life for strength. I also know that it's not about where you come from or about having books about abstinence or even about people telling you about sex all the time. It really boils down to letting God be the center of your existence. It's not easy but His will is really what it's all about. We just have to trust that He knows what's best for us (Jeremiah 29:11). Reality has its place and practicality has its place but does spirituality have its place? I hear people comment about the notion that abstinence doesn't work in today's reality but have we considered that our reality may not be God's ideal? Ladies (and the gentlemen who will read this) please open your heart to God's dream for you. You may not understand it right away and it will definitely be one of the most challenging choices you will have to live through but I believe, as I stand today, it will be worth the wait. Receive God's love for YOU and wait for the expression of HIs love to find YOU. It's going to be AWESOME!